I learned from my “mother” that my 17 year old daughter was asking about Columbine. The Columbine high school shooting that was the worst imagined thing that happened at that time.

I admit that I was a bit alarmed because, of course all the things went through my head like, how parents had no idea, and there were several warning clues that were greatly missed, and why is she asking about Columbine, and why did she ask grandma about it?

Well I lived and grew up in Colorado with her grandma. I say her grandma because that is not my real mother, but that is a different story all together. Anyway, we lived a few miles away from the high school and I remember when it happened and how disorientating it was because that was one of the worst school shootings that had ever happened at that time. And so close to home.

I ended up “hanging” out with my daughter this weekend (she lives with the other parent) while she showed me her newly dyed black hair and her new “punk” clothes and her new bracelets she’s been beading.

Suddenly she asked me about Columbine. I was grateful for that because I wasn’t sure how to bring up the subject of why she asked grandma about it. I had been trying to ascertain the situation.

I asked her why and her answer was this; She had stayed up all night watching True Crime stories and was absolutely horrified and has become scared of doing things. She now has this perception that if she goes anywhere she’s subjected to all kinds of horror, like being kidnapped, shot, murdered, robbed…. and she’s going back to school this week. She is frightened something like that might happen while she goes to school.

I have to admit that I am a true crime junkie. I love Court TV and I love those kind of shows, but, do I really? I find myself being super vigilant whenever I go anywhere. I am constantly looking at my surroundings, and at people. I have started looking at people in a wary way thinking they’ll suddenly attack me or shoot me or worse. Kidnap me and torture me. I mean, really? I find sometimes I will be doing this so much so that I won’t be enjoying my surroundings around me. I don’t want to fear things, or think the worse of everything and everybody. It kinda sucks having those thoughts in my head.

I’m thinking about shutting my tv viewing from crime shows and maybe even the news. The news is just as bad as crime television, I swear. But I don’t know. I still remember those bumper stickers from the 90’s that said KILL YOUR TELEVISION.

I told her that she’d be ok going back to school, that there is not much to worry about.

But is there? I don’t know.