“look at how far you’ve come over the years. look at the relationships you’ve gained and lost. reflect on your growth.

look at what you still hold on to. what serves you and what doesn’t? is it still conducive to you or does it poison you?

shift your attention to things that bring out the light in you. things that grow you, things that make your soul smile.

reflect, release, and reenergize. “

– Billy Chapata (Chameleon Aura)

I loved focusing on “things that make your soul smile.”

I remember that feeling from a while ago, but I’ve had trouble returning to it. I know I LOVED when my soul smiles; it felt like light was shining from me, creating a sense of lightness. It just felt amazing, almost a giddiness that would occur.

I have realized that since moving to my new place, I had been asking the universe for a change in my mindset and my environment. I was surrounded by people who didn’t support my growth, but I didn’t notice it before. Recently, after reflecting on my life, I discovered that I was holding onto feelings for certain people and things, as well as my way of living. Letting go of these attachments felt difficult, as I believed it would change how I felt and I struggled to maintain what I knew I had. But I also knew I was starting to feel stale and stagnant. It was a gross feeling. Not that my life now has done a complete turn and everything is so so much better that I could shout aloud and I see nothing but daisies. Not quite that simple or easy. Dang it.

But growing is a process “they” say. Like an old pair of sneakers or jeans, they wear out and need to be replaced. (That was “my” saying.)It doesn’t have a timeline because when I reflected, I saw how much I have accomplished and how I’ve changed in just a few months. It’s a great feeling. But I didn’t really notice it until I had a brief moment of slowing down and really thinking about it.

I’ve started to get in touch with the things I enjoy again that are conducive still for me. I started reading a lot more, ( a lot) and picked up watercolor, drawing and other medias. Any art is giving me much joy. It’s turned into a fun little hobby.

Taking Charley to the nearby large park is very helpful. Watching her grow is inspiring. She’s no longer afraid to go outside like she was when we lived in the busy city. It feels great.

I want to get that light back that gave me the smiling soul feeling. Maybe a renewal. Or a reenergizing of myself, like it says.

I liked this excerpt from the book “Chameleon Aura” by Billy Zapata. I think I can understand what he is saying.

The only thing is that I’m having a tough time is getting rid of some of my old clothes, such as the ones “I’ll be able to fit into them one day” or “you never know.” That one is a work in progress!

so….