“I’ve Never Owned a Dog”.

This post was written more than a year ago.

I’ve been extra self conscience this go around with daily activities with my Charley Waffle. i may be over thinking a lot of things but I’m not quite sure. br>Ok, For example, silly stuff as the other day we were stopping at the Poly, or What i would call our “morning/evening herding grounds” at the side of parking lot at the sitting area that happens to be slightly above street level. I had noticed a gal walking up the sidewalk in my peripherals along with others and our general surroundings. I was hyper focused on our whereabouts because Charley was not attached to her leash (i was test driving my recall progress with her in chartered territories) when, suddenly i hear “right behind you.” I stepped back and said “oh she won’t bite you”. She said, obviously hesitantly and cautiously, backing up ;“oh no I was just letting you know I was right behind you I didn’t want to startle you” and I said” oh yeah I get what you are saying” Then, after a moment i thought to myself ” WHAT EXACTLY Is she exactly saying?” For it was daylight. Around 12:40p.m. On a weekday. People were milling around. There had been others that had come up on us. Was I the one to not to be startled, or was she speaking of Charley? Was i a scary person or was my dog scary ? Was it as SIMPLE as not wanting us to be surprised? And was it as simple as she was being nice?

Because I’ve ran into people actually that really were/are scared of Charley. People would beat around the bush, asking questions like, “wow,  HE sure moves like a fighter, uh?” and, “”HE looked like HE is on a healthy diet. Do you give HIM vitamins? ” or “WOW, what a fighter HE looks like! What kind of training?” ultimately it all ended up with the question if she (but to most….a HE) was a pit. One thought she was a Routweiller.(SP)

I had also been on a teenager-like pot smoking binge ( WHASSUP my Matthew M.. “all right, all right”) I realized, so was that my issue with why this bothered me?

Another factor was my broken down self esteem for being brought down many pegs due to significant life changes that have me living in subsidized housing ? (that is a whole different chapter. )And feeling not worthy at times that I’m not doing a good enough job for my Charley Waffle?

• I am terrified of dogs. I really am.yet…

LB JUNE PIT BULL LIL RUNT

The last time I had a dog , my first dog, was Lb June. A little pit Bull runt I’d commandeered from neighbors that had her locked in a closet because her siblings would try to gobble her up, literally growling and chewing on her. People who knew me and my fear of dogs were giggling about my choice of a first dog. But there was something about her. She was incredibly sweet. Really sweet. It was fate her and I. I provided a loving home for her. I even had my two children when she was four and I had to deal with ” you know that dog is going to flip on your kids. Something in their brain snaps and she will maul and maime your children ” “You have a pit and have kids???????” People putting their shopping carts in between them and her. Crossing way across the street to avoid her. Stuff like that. She lived to be 14. SHE weighed 35 pounds full grown . My children were devastated. She used to sleep under their cribs while they napped. They were bred a as nanny dogs. I was really nervous because of all the stuff I’d heard before so I researched the heck out of pit bulls. Really. They score top of the list as family dogs. There are some things to watch out for of course. . Like you should be able to put your hand in their food dish. That always gets people. “Everybody knows you don’t put your hand near a dog’s food bowl. ” It’s a test of temperament. Not that I would do it to prove a point but it’s true. If used to subscribe to Jason Mann’s Pit Bull Gazette. I don’t see him online anymore which is too bad. If they Show aggression towards people they probably should be put down. It’s a misbred dog at that point. LB was the biggest geek EVER. People still talk about her to this day. She was awesome . I loved and adored her. I i wasn’t living in subsidized housing then but didn’t realize I was a flip of the coin away from it.

I’m posting this because I wrote it way back when I first got Charley. It was right smack in the middle of Covid and I didn’t realize how much it affected me. I went to a very dark place and I really didn’t or couldn’t see any light of happiness. I had started this blog because I wanted to see the effects Charley would have on me.

I’m happy to say I giggle with her every day and I don’t ever want her to go away. I may be that weird “hippie rag doll”- as my friend Steve referees to me— and I used to be self conscious. I think just being in lock down and stuck in my head. So I think I’m becoming a different person and I feel a lot of love and hope and I owe it to my Squishy Bean.