Full Circle Day

I had one of those full circle days.  What I mean by that is some event happens during the day to me. Something that is a bit bothersome that gnaws at my conscience and I just don't feel like I did the right thing, Feeling convicted that I could have done more. One of those "if I'd only listened to that fleeting thought" or "If I had done one thing different," but disregarded. I can't stand that. It could be big or something that seems trivial to others, but just gets at me.

 I  got up the other day feeling pretty good.  It SEEMED like my on-going mission to becoming one of the "Organized Ones" was almost about to reach a level 2 on a 5 point scale. I was putting my keys on the designated hook.  My spares were now kept inside a metallic box stuck to my fridge.  I was hanging up Charley’s leash the moment we walked in, on THE designated hook ALONG with her harness.  I  had cleaned my fridge, PUT FOODS IN their proper bins; fruits marked FRUITS and vegetables marked VEGETABLES, butter in that irritating butter bin on the side of the door.  My broom and  SWIFFER WET JET (by the way, reminder: don’t ever get the refill pads that say “COMPARE TO SWIFFER”.... there is nothing like a SWIFFER refill)  and my DIRT DEVIL on THE HANDY DANDY hook thingY from (AS SEEN ON TV) Mike bought for me.  I had MATCHED MY SOCKS (MAJOR KUDOS TO ME!!)  Washed Whites with whites. Delicates , whatever those are, in cold and I let my bras air dry.  I remembered to put fabric softener in time, AND  SprayED and WashED as directed. Hung up my previous clean clothes that had been hanging out over a chair for a few.  ORGANIZED my TUPPERWARE and JUNK DRAWER(!!!)  I washed AND put away the dishes.  I was feeling calm, a little bit more in control of my craziness.  Cleaning house big time is Therapeutic I’ll admit. What I really was hoping for a reprieve from my usual panicky "WHAT THE?????? I know put it right there!!!!” It the last 2 minutes I'm heading out the door.  Never fun.  

I was able to prove to myself and quite proud when it was time to get ready for Playtime in Parking Lot. I amazingly found all the Frisbees together. They were hanging on a hook inside a a flowered bag on the side of the fridge. Her bouncy balls that disappear, re-appear, were all together IN the FRIDGE. In the side. Seriously. (I have found that works the best, otherwise it becomes a search party)….for she’s been known to find them again in the house and hide them all, thinking it’s funny. Not so funny when I have to find them. Makes playtime a lot easier with them!!!!

I was left with extra time on my hand so I’ve decided to transfer everything from my HUGE PATAGONIA back pack to a smaller back pack.

We started playing at Freeway Park that’s located smack in the middle of downtown. It was the first weekend, at least for me, that felt….. ummm… happy. I was trying to think of a great adjective for how I felt. And yes, it was happy

Yeah, it felt happy. We left the park with a great natural buzz from work out adrenaline. The good good yummy adrenaline. The one where it didn’t take seemed like I worked out. Felt light and fancy free.

I decided to go to the store so Charley could see her boyfriend, Nick.  I was actually just trying to work the snot out of her. Sometimes I give up thinking I may have some life there in the midst of it all.  I really just give in and go gun ho. I usually have a better time when I let go anyway.  
On our way there I spotted a gentleman on the sidewalk laying on a sleeping bag. It was quite warm out and, I’m thinking, he must have been hot.  He was uncomfortably warm and itchy.  He had a few layers on and a wool skull cap. Black. The cap. Oh, and the guy.  Some guy had stopped to talk with him but ended up walking to his car. I asked the man on the sleeping bag if he wanted anything or help. He asked me if I could get him something to drink. At first I thought he meant  alcohol but that’s the alcoholic in me.   I was going to even if it was for an adult beverage for I know how it’s like. EEkkk.  I remember how strangers would help me when I was in that same position but suffered from the shakes and homeless.  He asked for orange juice and a coke. No. No. Make it an orange soda.  He held out 3 dollars and I told him not to worry about it. 
Charley and I got to the store and ALAS!  No Nick!!!

That’s ok, I suppose. The only thing is I had told her we were going to see her boyfriend and she gets so extremely excited and starts this little whistle thing in her throat. She looked around and up and down when we walked in, looked at me and seemed confused. Lawrence was working, and he has witnessed her love for Nick, so he half-heartedly tosses her a Milkbone. Nothing even close to the treatment Nick showers her with. It’s absolutely adorable, yet so crazy how she actually looks as if she’s melting on the floor. She is allowed behind the counter and takes her job quite serious. She will stare at the customers and won’t display any actions of friendliness. Just business.

I got a couple of orange juices and a bottle of orange soda and proceeded to pull out my wallet. I proceeded to look for my wallet. I proceeded to quickly look for my wallet. I proceeded to pat my back, side, front pockets. My heart and head proceeded to pound. I left my wallet, had to have, at the park!!!! I said, “I’ll be back!” and started running back to the park. We went to where we were playing and desperately looked around. There was a gal sitting exactly where we’d been and I asked her hoping she might have seen it. She seemed very confused, so I just kind of threw my hands AND hopes out. We walked home, and I was very sad. I had just replaced both cards just days earlier. My ID. My bank card. Some money. I was really really bummed.

Plus, on the way back to my apartment I remembered I’d told the guy I would be right back. I know how it is, for so many people say that and don’t come back. I was going to go back to where he was but I didn’t want to be a disappointment for him. It was hot outside. He really was thirsty. Shoot, I was thirsty AND hot and I wasn’t laying in the sun with all black on a blanket with no shade cover. I just felt horrible.

I called Mike and just kinda stammered and slobbered like a little girl. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. See, I’ve been losing things a lot lately. My memory, short term, sometimes long term, is incredibly bad and it’s incredibly embarrassing. Mike tried to tell me with my TBI and everything else, with the new, well semi-new Charley Waffle, and that I was trying to get organized stuff like that happens. He felt so bad for me, he told me he sent some money to my PayPal. That made me feel worse. Because that is not what I wanted or why I’d called. I was bummed.

After beating myself up in a good way, I calmed down as soon as I just started plotting the next day and what I needed to do in order to get all of that back. Ok, I’ll be out the money for my ID. Which I’d just bought. I’d be out the money in my wallet. Well, I fortunately had not brought all my money, so look at the positive aspect. Charley and I went to bed, and I had no choice to put it out of my head.

Morning came, and upon waking up I started to get ready to take Charley out. I was overcome by this thought to go back to the park and just double double check regarding my wallet. Plus, I could get a little morning play time with Charley this way so maybe she would be a little bit more tolerable as the day wore on.

We walked into the park at one of the entrances, the one we always go to. Came up to the first grassy knoll and OH MY GOSH. Do I see something sticking out of the grass that is flat and black? No way!!! I didn’t want to hurry too much and get my hopes up. I kept blinking my eyes and straining to look closer. My vision has slipped a bit since I hit 50. It started happening at the age of about 45, and all of a sudden it has gotten way worse. Almost like overnight.

As I walked up to this object my mind would not allow it to believe that what I was staring at was my wallet. NO WAY. I stood there, looked at Charley. “OHMYGOD” I picked it up, opened it, and almost gasped as I saw all of my cards where in the wallet. Holy cow. There was no money in it, but that was ok with me. I couldn’t believe it.

I played with Charley with laughter and cheer and newfound energy. Yay!!! Yay!!! Wait til I tell Mike. Where I found it is not where I’d opened my purse. Probably somebody found it and threw it on that particular knoll. There had been tons of people out the evening before, and the chances of my wallet disappearing were far greater than what happened. Even that morning there were little groups of people walking through the park at 7 a.m. I think because the weather had been so warm and was expected to be warm that day as well.

I was totally elated. Mike couldn’t believe it. Neither could I. Still really can’t. How lucky was that? Was it luck or serendipity or what??

I started going to the store and thought I could still buy the drinks for him, but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I vowed I’d try later on that day until I found him.

Well, later in the day I did. I was walking by a bus stop and I saw a man sitting on the bench with a blanket wrapped around him. I had this feeling come over me as I stopped and asked him if he had been lying on the sidewalk yesterday. It was him. I told him I was the gal that asked him if he wanted anything. He said, yeah, I was wondering what happened to you. I asked if he wanted anything now that I’d gotten my wallet back. He said no, then asked if I smoked. I told him I’d left my smokes at home, which I had, and he said, “No, I was just wondering because, here, I wanted to give you one.” Wow. I asked him his name. Chris. He said he’s always around there. I promised when I saw him again if he wanted anything, I still owed him. We had a little brief conversation. It was light and airy and fun. I said goodbye, see you later, and he said the same. I felt really really good.

What started out a good day, that turned bad, ended up being good 24 hours later. Now that is a FULL CIRCLE DAY in my book. Anybody else have those just made for t.v. moments? It was really cool.